


and all i wanted to say was that i love you

by pinkvalentines



Category: Dead To Me (TV)
Genre: F/F, One Shot, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-03
Updated: 2020-06-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:34:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24527716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinkvalentines/pseuds/pinkvalentines
Summary: Why is love so hard?
Relationships: Judy Hale/Jen Harding
Comments: 1
Kudos: 31





	1. judy

**Author's Note:**

> just a good 'ol unrequited love one-shot, that's it.  
> title taken from: 'A Different Point of View' by Pet Shop Boys  
> my take on how i think they'd deal with this basically

It was hard for her to not fall in love with her friend. It was painful. She knew she’d never have a chance. Judy literally could never be with her, Jen is straight, it was obvious. But it didn’t make her pining weaken.

Judy has known about her sexuality for years, decades really. It was uncomfortable for her to admit it to Steve. She wasn’t sure of his reaction, being expressionless when she came out. He suggested a threesome about a month after the coming out, which disgusted Judy, that he would even imply inviting someone else into their sexual interests. She shot it down, which was met with a groan and a “whatever” from the man. Was that all she was meant for? A suggestion for a threesome? However, she pushed it down and ignored how bad it made her feel.

She found out about the said attraction to women when she was around 24. She had her ‘first’ feelings for a college friend, ~~‘first’ because she finally noticed it after years of pressing these feelings down~~. It was innocent, wanting to be more than friends, nothing more than that. If the woman was being honest, it didn’t shock her. More so comforted her, it was a part of her. Something important to her.

Judy’s crush on the blonde literally killed her. It wasn’t wrong to have a crush but on someone who could literally not reciprocate the feelings, it was bad. Judy sincerely loved the affection that Jen shows to her, teaching the older woman that affection is good, after her many years of failed love. Jen is always casually touching her, whether it be a shoulder pat or the rubbing of her arm, Judy loved it. But something in the back of her head tells her to not go further than a hug or the arm rubbing, fearing the blonde would hate her for it. That Jen would yell at her, telling her that she’s a freak or worse, a pervert. Judy knows that would never happen, but it didn’t stop the voice from saying those words.

Judy could feel physical pain from her ‘innocent’ crush. Like her heart was breaking. It was childish, no one knew about these feelings but her, but it didn’t stop the hurt. It was consuming her, deeply. Why did she have to form a crush on someone so unattainable? Someone straight? Judy just pushes the feelings down, in hopes that they would disappear forever. She’s good at lying to herself, to others, so this shouldn’t be too hard, right?


	2. jen

Would it be weird to fall in love with the person who ran over your husband? A normal person would say yes, but Jen is far from normal. She killed someone on purpose, had confessed to said crime, and destroyed two cars. So this isn’t that bad, right?

It scared her, how could she let these feelings go unnoticed? Maybe Jen was gay all along, only stopping to notice it now? Noting this was new, brand fucking new. Jen would say that these feelings were brought up when Judy went out with Michelle, she felt _jealous_ of Judy, envious that she could go out and be in love. But it was because Jen wanted Judy. A friend should feel happy when their friend gets into a relationship, but Jen didn’t feel that way at all. More so, she wanted to be with Judy, replacing Michelle in the process. Good thing for Jen, they broke it off when Michelle found out that Judy was involved in two crimes. But obviously not good for the brunette.

It was toxic for her to continue living like these feelings aren’t consuming her from the inside out. No one else has made her feel this way, not even with Ted, Jen felt like she barely knew the man, having harbored lie after lie. These emotions were not new, rather surprising. Fucking Judy and her loving aura and energy. Fucking feelings making her feel this way to her best friend. Why is love so _weird_? What if Judy didn’t feel the same way and just decided to leave Jen? Judy would never leave, she didn’t have anywhere to go to but it didn’t stop her kind from thinking negatively.

But Jen couldn’t tell her, no she wouldn’t be able to. However they literally knew each other’s darkest secrets, no one else knew them, no one could. It made Jen feel vulnerable around the younger woman. Like she could see right through Jen and Judy would know how she felt. This was weird, something had to be said but _how_?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading :)


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